Six Exam Tips for the Unprepared
How to Steal Meat from the Pot Successfully. A guest post by Amaefule Austen.
It’s no news that exams are around the corner, and incourses are already at our doorsteps. As someone who’s already gone through several turbulent ties similar to this, I’ve learned some lessons (mostly the hard way) about surviving the season, even if you’re unprepared.
While my expertise in the aforementioned can be questioned to an extent, these tips also include a feat in which my years of expertise cannot be questioned: Stealing meat. So, tag along as we explore these six tips for surviving the unsurvivable unscathed.
Ps: These tips have been vetted by scholars and masterminds alike, so they’re quite reliable. Let’s begin!
1. Access your strengths
While the semester is coming to an end, you probably already feel regret about leaving your books for too long — Don’t worry, we’re all at that point. Nevertheless, it is extremely important to make time to take this first step.
Ensure you know your courses and the outlines as well — You'd be surprised by the amount of people who'd just be setting their eyes on their course outline for the very first time today — and lecturers. This step lets you know which ones would be easier for you to assimilate and those that would require something a little bit above your power.
In my own lingo, know the pieces of the meat you are most likely not to get caught if you nick. In my prime, I used to aim for all those other ambiguous pieces that don't even have names (not the wings, thighs, etc. Your chef definitely knows that there are two thighs. If you take one lap, and only one remains for pot, your own don finish.
2. Don't panic
Actually, this should be number one.
Contrary to what you may believe, there is actually enough time. Maybe not enough to get a 5.0, but definitely enough time to prevent failure. Panicking does nothing more than waste your time and reduce your clarity of mind. So, talk to your friends and find allies. You're definitely not alone in this.
Panicking could put you in a situation where you're about to grab a piece of meat, and the pot cover falls on the ground, gbam. No meat, no chicken, and a substantial loss of steeze. Every important task must be embraced with a clear head and not with shaky hands.
3. Past questions
While I realized early on that I was never really a fan of past questions — because, in my head, it took the learning out of studying sometimes — PQs are a fantastic way to skip the unnecessary excesses that will not come out in the exam, and I promise you there are a lot. For example, some lecturers have a reputation for slides of over 120 pages on average. I promise you (again), the questions will not come out from all 120. Heck, they might not even cover more than 10 pages anyway
Past questions don't just mean PQs in terms of the exam papers themselves or the FEMSAMs and ACHILLES drills of the world. Not everybody has access to those, even if it means borrowing. So, what are your options if you find yourself here? Ask your seniors!
Also ask your classmates, especially those who you think pay more attention in class (you and I know them). Ask them for the segments the lecturers emphasized in class. I mean, if you're reading this with much eagerness, there's a high chance that you probably skipped some classes (side eye).
Now, this can be likened to knowing the perfect time to strike the meat from the pot. You see, based on previous experiences, you should know when the meat cooker is paying less attention to the loot. This could be any time from when the pot is on fire (if you're bold enough like me) to that delicate moment when the bounty is left to cool, just before it is transferred to the stew or what have you. I've even heard some people strike when the meat has been frozen in the freezer, but don't quote me.
4. Time management!!
While you may be scared of ANA 223, PHA 321, PHA 429 (or whatever monstrosities RENEGADES are studying), you should always remember that you have multiple other courses and that these courses are equal in units or just slightly lower than these other fearsome courses.
It's very simple: do not get so lost in the fear of the bulky courses that you forget the simpler ones because therein lies your CGPA helper. Plan your time to include those easily forgettable and easy A’s (don't tag me, 200L) courses. Simply put, in the quest for the difficult and juicy meats, don't ignore the kpomo or stockfish that your hand touched instead.
5. Do not be late for your exams!
Now, I know this goes without saying, but trust me on this. Exam officers can be crazy, and you don't want to have your efforts go up in smoke because you were five minutes late, and one man with a big stomach (disclaimer: any semblance to any real person is entirely coincidental) tells you to wait aside for thirty minutes. This little mishap will greatly greatly affect your exam performance.
6. Last but not the least, do not lose your composure,
Be confident in yourself and trust your ability. While I do not, in any way, condone exam malpractice, I know some of you are currently plotting your formations and attack plans – Oya now. Just remember that it's a high-risk plan and is not worth the consequences. Clean up your tracks and use your head. Many meat grabbers have had their careers prematurely ended because of some careless drops and trails of oil from the pot that they forgot to clean up
Remember, you're HIM/HER. You've got this.
Looking forward to hearing tales of successful exams and meat stealing.
Byeeee.
Amaefule Austen,
Guest Writer and President-Elect, NIPSA UNILAG
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Love, from a successful meat stealer🤭😂
❤️❤️❤️